I’m Not Lazy, I’m Just Tired of Carrying Everything
trying to study, make money, stay strong, and still believe God hears me
Lately, my mind has been in too many places at once.
One minute I’m thinking about school,
the next I’m stressing over money,
and then somehow I’m worrying about my past and my future — at the same time.
I just want to be okay.
I want to have money.
I want to stop depending on anyone and just be able to take care of myself, quietly, without asking or explaining or shrinking.
I hate needing help. I hate asking. Even when I need things, I hesitate.
Not because I’m proud, but because… I don’t want to feel like a burden.
I don’t want to be pitied. I want to be prepared.
I want to be able to bless others, not just be the one waiting for help.
And honestly, all of it has been getting to me.
Now I’m trying to prepare for my mid-semester exams. I know I need to be serious.
But this weather? It’s making everything worse.
I’ll set alarms. I’ll even hype myself up in my head like,
“Tonight, we go hard.”
Then the alarm rings, and I’m turning it off like it’s the enemy 😭
The tiredness in my body is not just from lack of sleep, it’s from carrying too much in my mind.
But the truth is, I’m still trying.
I haven’t given up.
And the one thing holding me together lately has been this silent, almost wordless connection I’ve had with God.
There are no long prayers. No dramatic declarations.
Just these quiet, mind-to-mind conversations.
Sometimes I don’t even say a word.
I just lie there, overwhelmed, and think, “God, abeeggggg?”
And I believe He does.
Because even in this foggy, stressful, heavy place — I still feel hopeful of my future.
I still feel like grace is doing something in me.
So if you’ve also been feeling “somehow”… if your heart is in five different places and your brain feels like scrambled eggs,
I just want to say: you’re not lazy.
You’re not a failure.
You’re not falling behind.
You’re just tired. And it makes sense.
You’re carrying so much — emotionally, mentally, spiritually — and still waking up to try again.
That’s not weakness. That’s faith.
So keep holding on.
Keep whispering to God, even if the words never leave your lips.
He hears that too.
And you?
You’re not lost.
You’re still becoming.
Softly, slowly, steadily — but surely.
— Nkem 🤍